Caring

I am a caring man
who is being asked
not to care,
just to enjoy.

But this is where
my joy is created,
in the caring.

Being disallowed this caring,
it is like asking me
not to breathe.

This brings me pain,
and serves to confuse my heart.

Asking me not to care, not to feel,
these are the signs of impending doom,
and imminent heart ache.

I can see that
I have been fooling myself,
and betraying my heart.

I can see that
I will never be to her,
what I dream of.

For a time, I thought that just maybe
this dream could be realized,
but I now see what a fool I was
for fooling my heart like this.

I can see the pain in store for me
in our futureless future.

This is something that sends me
to a place of great fear.

The more I care,
the less I am allowed to care.

The less I am allowed to care,
the more evident this
impending heart ache becomes.

The more I care,
the greater the pain will be,
when I finally admit to myself
that we will never be.

I never wanted to get into someone's bed,
unless I could get into their heart as well.

The farther we go,
the more I realize that
this will never be.

In a bed, with out the heart,
is no place for this man to be.

This is a place to find only pain.

I don't understand
what she wants from me.

One thing I know is,
I can't do this anymore.

Not like it is now.

I hope she can understand this,
and that she find
all things that she seeks,
and I hope that happiness
comes to her in all way.

I can only wonder
what might have been,
in another time, and place.

I wish her to just live her dreams,
as I search for mine.
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